Greetings, visitor. It is I. Janel.

Gaze upon me.

I am almost definitely an adult human woman who was born in Moncton, New Brunswick at some point in the early 1990s, and not an escaped lab experiment decanted from a jar sometime in 2012. I tricked the University of Alberta into granting me a Bachelor’s degree in 2015, and then gained admittance to a Master’s program at Teachers College, Columbia University through what was almost definitely a clerical error. I have an MA in clinical psychology with a concentration in forensic psychology, for reasons that have everything to do with my personal interests and absolutely nothing to do with outwitting a group of scientists who discovered my empty cage on the morning of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee. My skills include APA formatting, being funny on the internet, and living under an assumed identity for long periods of time.

I also make this face in family photos.

I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia, where I spend most of my time talking to lobsters and falling into the Atlantic Ocean. I’m the co-host of a relentlessly funny true-crime podcast, the proud parent of a psychologically fragile Chihuahua, and a Person Who Owns a Wacom Tablet. Interested readers can find more of my work in the “Articles” and “Short Stories” tabs above. Interested suitors can smear themselves with coyote blood and meet me in the graveyard after midnight. If it was meant to be, you’ll know which one. Nothing can get in the way of our love now.

For more updates, you can also follow me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram! Or don’t. I can’t tell you how to live your life.