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Middle School Shotput Extraordinaire

Once a year, my junior high school decided that going through puberty in a giant cinderblock building surrounded by other…

2 years ago

How to Social Distance Like a Dinosaur

At a very early age, I decided that I wanted to be a paleontologist. My parents were well aware that…

4 years ago

How I Almost Took a High School Field Trip to the Afterlife: Part One

Like many other strapping, red-blooded Canadian youth, I spent my teenage years participating in the Duke of Edinburgh's International Award…

5 years ago

How to Convince New Yorkers That You’re One of Them, and Not Just a Lost Tourist from the Suburbs

The summer before I turned 25, I quit my job, packed my things, and moved from Edmonton, Canada, to New…

5 years ago

A Comprehensive (Though Certainly Not Exhaustive) List of the Terrible Things I’ve Done to my Brothers

I am the oldest of three siblings. After bringing me forth into the world in 1992, my parents failed to…

6 years ago

How to Cause $3000 in Damages to a Dorm in a Single Night

Buckle up, kids, because we just passed the six-year anniversary of the time I caused more property damage to my…

6 years ago

Oh God, She’s Writing Another Blog

I'm back, fuckers. I am as terrifying as I am strangely proportioned. As some of you may remember, I kept…

6 years ago

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