An Introduction to My Family’s Long, Ongoing Failed Experiment With Designer Dogs

When I was eleven years old, my family finally got the one thing that was missing from my Thomas-Kinkade-painting suburban childhood: a purebred Golden Retriever. Depicted here as Air Bud, despite the fact that ours never quite got the hang of basketball. We were naive about dog ownership and we had shitty, unreliable dial-up internet…

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How to Cause $3000 in Damages to a Dorm in a Single Night

Buckle up, kids, because we just passed the six-year anniversary of the time I caused more property damage to my university than the cumulative effects of Hurricane Sandy, and I am breaking my silence at last. During the 2012/2013 academic year, I spent some time as a transfer student at Mount Allison University in Sackville,…